Just Don't Quit.
BBMA Hornsby students sitting in ‘Saiza’ during a Belt Presentation Ceremony
A Black Belt is a White Belt
that Didn’t Quit
Barry Swartz is a Professor of Psychology. In his lecture titled ‘The Paradox of Choice’ he points out the phenomenon that the more choices that humans have the more unhappy they become. He claims that the more choices we have the more prone we are to “analysis paralysis”.
Swartz also has found a correlation between the increased freedom of choice and rising rates of depression. He believes that when we have limited choice and are unhappy with all of them - we see it as the “world’s” fault. When we have an overwhelming number of choices to choose from and can’t find what we want or can’t decide what we want then we see it as our own personal failure or inadequacy.
The fact that we have so many choices (just check out how many different types of milk you have to choose from when your next in the supermarket) means we do have more freedom to choose what we fill our lives with - material things, services and activities.
Our challenge is to learn how to navigate through these choices and to discern what adds true value and meaning to what we do. Thinking the ‘grass is always greener’ and never sticking at something means it is very hard to experience a sense of achievement. We give up before we really get good at something. Persevering through to mastery is a sure way to develop a strong self esteem and confidence.
We are really fortunate to have so many activities for our kids to choose from. The pitfall in this case is how do we expose our children to enough activities so they can find something that really suits them and yet avoid the habit of quitting something worthwhile when the going gets tough and the ‘next best thing’ comes along?
At Black Belt Martial Arts, we hear so many parents tell us “my child tried this and that sport and always winds up quitting". Even in Martial Arts, when your child reaches a certain belt level, they may go through the same scenario of wanting to quit. Here’’s the dilemma that parents go through...
”I don’t want to force my child to do something they don't want to do”;
“I just don’t feel like arguing with them - especially with everything that’s going on right now”;
“I remember when I was a kid and my parents made me stick to it” (Which isn’t a bad idea at all, I’ve always regretted that my parents let me quit piano!).
The problem is not your child wanting to quit something,it’s us, as parents, allowing or teaching our child to quit - or at least allowing them to quit for the wrong reasons.
I know we don’t do it purposely, but sometimes it’s easier to give in to our child when they are arguing or screaming and crying about quitting something or not getting their way. Or when they settle in for some serious ‘screen time’ and don’t want to leave their bedroom, or it’s raining and no-one feels like leaving the house (yes, we’ve all been there!).
When they are in that state there is no reasoning or logical answer that will inspire them. Sometimes talking with them and trying to reason with them or even to explain the logic about quitting does not work.
After all, we just want our kids to be happy, right? So why not let them have what they want? Well, most children do not understand the true value of things like martial arts training, they will do something as long as its always fun. But what about learning the values of hard work, perseverance and goal setting?
What affect will “habitual quitting” have on their life down the track? It will have a domino effect later in their personal life.
For example, have you noticed these behaviours in your child?
Among their peers if they feel they are not winning a game, they simply just give up.
The moment they feel a challenge coming on or experience hard work, they quit.
When school work becomes challenging or their marks are disappointing they quit trying.
Statistics show that more than 1 in 7 students quit university before graduating. There is a major psychological impact when a child learns that they can quit anything at any time. This behaviour will follow them through the critical years that really form your child’s developing mind.
From my experience kids do not know the value of hard work or understand the importance of perseverance, they are just busy being kids - and so they should they. I believe it’s our job as Martial Arts Teachers and as parents to be an extrinsic influence encouraging perseverance and a ‘no quitting attitude’ until those attitudes become intrinsic
As always, we are here to help and assist your child in learning great life skills such as these. Earle Nightingale said “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal”.
The black belt in martial arts is indeed a worthy goal and I am so very proud of every one of our black belts (and their parents) who, in the face of so many “choices” took action, and with diligence and perseverance experienced success.
Every year at Black Belt Martial Arts, hundreds of our students graduate to the rank of Black Belt 1st degree. These students - mostly children and teenagers - have persevered in their martial arts training for a minimum of 4 years. Some of them for 6 - 10 years! Training 2 to 4 times per week, every week for 4 to 10 years - what an accomplishment in this day and age!
I know for a fact that many of them at some time have wanted to quit - the point is they didn’t.
Yours in Martial Arts,
Kyoshi Elizabeth Mahler